I Meant It When I Said 'I do'- Chapter 12(END)

(Calla)



NAPABUNTONG-HININGA si Earl nang tuluyang maiparada ang kotse. Wala sa loob na napahawak siya sa dibdib. Pakiramdam niya’y namamaga ang loob niyon at nahihirapan siyang huminga.

Mahigit isang buwan na siyang umuuwing mag-isa sa bahay na walang sinumang dinadatnan. Everyday is like a torture… It’s unbearable. And he’s deeply surprised that he is still breathing up to this moment.

Napatitig siya sa parking lot. Tumaas ang sulok ng labi niya nang maalala ang galit na mukha ng babaing siyang palaging laman ng puso’t isipan niya. He can’t believe she actually kicked the bumper of his car. Didn’t she even think it was made of steel? Natawa siya ng wala sa oras. Typically Veronica.

Saka siya natigilan. And just as he knew it, he was filled with emptiness again. Mabigat ang paang tinungo niya ang unit. Dapat masaya siya. His mother’s well. And his Dad is taking care of her. She recovered fast. And he never saw his Mom and Dad that happy. He should be celebrating. Nakaya din niya ang pamamahala sa kumpanya sa kabila ng lahat ng problemang dumating sa kanya. His Dad’s so proud of him.

Pero bakit nagtutumining sa puso niya ang kahungkagan? Bakit ba kapag si Veronica ang nawala, kahit kailan hindi mapupunan ng kahit na anong saya ang lungkot na nararamdaman niya?

He can only be glad that she’s well. She’s in good health. She’s fine. And she doesn’t need him. May kumurot sa puso niya sa huling naisip. Kumusta na kaya ang asawa? She might have moved on… while he was left behind.

Muli siyang nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga nang mapatapat sa pinto ng unit. He should give this up. The whole place reminds him of her. How can he move on? Besides, igi-give up naman talaga niya ang unit na ito. The house he built for his family is finished. He just needed a wife and he’ll move in.

A wife…

Napaatras siya bigla. Nagulat siya nang makitang bumalik sa dati ang ayos ng bahay. It was like his bachelor’s pad again. Wala na ang nakasabit na wedding picture nila. Bumalik na ang painting na nakasabit doon dati. Ngunit mas natigilan siya nang makita ang asawa papalabas ng silid. Naka-t-shirt at maong pants ito. Walang make-up. Nakapusod ang mahaba nitong buhok at may ilang hiblang naka-ipit sa tenga nito. She looked lifeless… but she’s still beautiful. Nakatuon ang atensiyon nito sa hawak na listahan.

How he missed her…

Kung ilang minuto siyang itinulos sa kinatatayuan, hindi niya alam. Tinitingnan niya ang bawat galaw nito. Ang bawat paghinga, ang pagkibot ng bibig, pagkurap ng mata, ang pagkunot ng noo. Saka bigla itong nagtaas ng tingin at natigilan nang makita siya. Walang sinumang gumalaw sa kanila. Nakatitig lang sila sa isa’t isa.

“I-I put things back, as promised.” anito saka unang nagbawi ng tingin. “I’ll send someone to pick up my stuff. And…” Napalunok ito. Saka tiningnan siya ulit. “I’m setting you free, Earl. It’s officially over now. Hindi na natin kailangang magpanggap. I already consulted a lawyer and he’ll bring the annullment papers tomorrow. I’ll just keep you posted. I’m done here.” Dagli itong naglakad papunta sa pinto. Nilamapasan siya nito na hindi man lang siya tinapunan ng tingin.

“Annullment?” parang punyal iyong tumarak sa dibdib. Napasunod ang tingin niya sa asawa. Gusto niyang kumustahin ito. Gusto niyang malaman kung totoong okay ito. Kung galit pa ito sa kanya… Kung kaya ba nitong patawarin siya. Kung pwede niya itong yakapin ng mahigpit sa sandaling iyon.

“Yes, that’s what you want, right?” anitong napalingon. Nakikita niya ang paghihirap sa mukha nito bago muli siyang tinalikuran.

Matagal bago siya nakasagot.

“When I said my vow I meant it,” mahinang sabi niya.

Natigil ito sa paghakbang at muling napalingon sa kanya.

“I have to go.” anito’t tumalikod.

“Di mo ba ako narinig?” may desperasyon sa tinig niya.

Natigilan ulit ito sa paghakbang.

“I meant it when I said I do.” aniyang pigil-pigil ang paggaralgal ng tinig.

Nilingon siya ulit at nag-uunahang pumatak ang luha sa pisngi nito. Saka ngumiti ng mapait. Pakiramdam niya’y may kung ano’ng bakal ang pumipiga sa puso habang nakatitig sa asawa.“Why are you doing this Earl? Why do you always touch where it hurts me most? Nasasaktan ako! So please, let’s end this! Alam ko na ang lahat. I knew why you married me. I knew it from the very start. Dahil gusto mong makaganti. Dahil gusto mong araw-araw akong makitang nasasaktan. Dahil gusto mong araw-araw kong pagdusahan ang kasalanan ko sa’yo. Nagtagumpay ka naman, di ba? Araw-araw kong pinagbabayaran ang lahat ng sakit na naramdaman mo noon. Lahat-lahat! Ang masakit, ang tanging kasalanan ko lang ay minahal kita ng sobra-sobra!” anitong napahagulhol.

Hindi makapaniwalang napatitig siya sa asawa. Elaiza had said it before ngunit hindi niya ito kayang paniwalaan. Ngayong kay Veronica na mismo nanggaling ang mga katagang iyon, hindi niya alam kung ano ang pwede niyang maramdaman.

“Yes, from the very first time I saw you, I loved you! At dahil sa pag-ibig na iyan kung bakit pinili kong iwanan ka. Dahil ayokong masaktan ka. Dahil mas matitiis kong ako ang masaktan kesa ikaw! But I’m tired of hurting, Earl. I just want to let go. Pagod na akong masaktan…” anito sa pagitan ng hikbi. “Pagod na pagod na akong mahalin ka. Ayoko na.” Umiiling-iling ito. Patuloy ang pag-agos ng luha.

Mabilis niyang nilapitan at niyakap ang asawa ngunit tila napasong nagpupumiglas ito.

“Veronica -”

“Save it. I don’t want to hear any of those lies anymore.”

“You got it all wrong. Let me explain… Honey, I’m so sorry. Please let me explain–” tinangka niyang yakapin ito ulit ngunit ganun na lang ang pagpupumiglas nito.

“Let go of me!” sigaw nito. “I don’t need your explanation, Earl. And I won’t believe it!” anitong umiling-iling. “I will never believe it.” mariing sabi nito. “I don’t want to see you ever again. And I mean it.” anito saka mabilis na pinihit ang seradura ng pinto at patakbong tinungo ang elevator.

It was like his first heartbreak. Para siyang nawalan ng lakas. Gusto niyang tumakbo para pigilan ang asawa ngunit tila bakal ang mga salitang binitawan nitong nakakabit sa paa niya. Naramdaman niya ang mainit na likidong pumatak sa pisngi ngunit hinayaan niya iyon. Bakas ang pinalidad sa boses nito. She might have loved him… but now, she doesn’t want him anymore.

One thing was sure, he will never heal.





NAG-IIMPAKE si Veronica sa mga gamit nila ng Daddy niya.

“Are you sure about this, hija?”

“Yes, Dad.” aniyang pilit ngumiti. “I’m sure we’ll be okay when we get back to the States. Mas gagaling kayo doon. At mas magiging maganda ang buhay natin.”

“I sure will support you hija… But someone wants to see you before you make any decision.”

“If it’s E-”

“It’s not Earl.”

Takang napatingin siya sa ama.

“She’s waiting at the living room.”



Nagtatakang bumaba si Veronica mula sa silid. And there was this lady. Kahit matagal na panahon na ang nakakaraan, kilala pa rin niya ito. Pamilyar sa kanya ang tayo nito, ang buhok, ang mga mata at ilong.

“T-Tita Sandra?”

Tumango ito. “Naaalala mo pa pala ako, hija.”

“Akala ko nasa Australia kayo.” Lumapit siya rito’t niyakap ito ng mahigpit.

Hindi ito gumanti ng yakap. Nakatingin lang ito sa kanya.

“May problema ho ba?” aniyang binitiwan ito.

“My son…” bumakas ang lungkot sa mukha nito. Pakiramdam niya’y hinahalukay ang laman-loob niya habang nakatingin sa mata ng kaharap.

“He’s going through tough times again.” dagdag nito.

Bakit? Dahil ba sa pagbubuntis ni Bianca? Masyado bang maselan ang kalagayan nito? O dahil nakonsensiya na ito sa ginawa nitong pagpapasakit sa kanya?

“We all are going through hard times Tita.. I’m sure, Earl will recover from it.”

“Do you really mean it, Veronica? Do you care even just a little about my son?”

Ngumiti siya ng mapait. “Even if I did, it won’t mean anything to him Tita. The best thing I can do now is leave him. And let him live the life he really wants.”

“No offence, Veronica. But I didn’t like you to be my son’s wife.”

Pakiramdam niya’y namilog ang ulo sa narinig.

“That’s okay Tita. I’m not his wife now… I never was.”

“Please do not interrupt me,” anitong tinitigan siya ng husto. ”As I was saying, hindi kita gusto para sa anak ko. And it was because I did not like your mother. Why does it have to be you? My son deserves better. I knew you were the one he fell in love with for the first time. I liked you before at alam mo yan. But I hated you so much when you left him in pain. It took him a lot to move on. Alam ko kung gaano kasakit dahil buong buhay ko, patuloy akong umaasa sa pagmamahal na hindi kailanman naging akin. I hated you and I wanted you to stay out of my son’s life.”

Nakagat ni Veronica ang labi para pigilan ang nag-uumalpas na emosyon. Humulagpos ang luhang pinipigilan niya. Why does it have to hurt? Wala na sila ni Earl di ba? She doesn’t have to care what his mom would say. Dahil yun naman talaga ang gagawin niya—ang magpakalayo-layo ng tuluyan.

“That won’t be a problem, Tita. I’m leaving him for good.”

“Hindi pa ako tapos.” anito. “Much more, I want him to stop hurting. I want him to be happy again. To hear him laugh. To see him live his life again, And it would do no good if you’d go away. So,” bigla’y lumuhod ito sa harapan niya. Nagbago ang ekspresyon ng mukha nito. She looks as if she’s about to cry. “I’m begging you to stay. Please stay. I can’t bear to watch him wasting his life again. Kahit hindi mo na siya mahalin… just stay with him.”

May kung anong dumukot sa puso niya. “T-Tita, please.” Tinangka niyang patayuin ito mula sa pagkakaluhod.

“I won’t get up until you say you will.” Tuluyang nalaglag ang luha sa mga mata nito. “I love my son so much, I’d do anything just to see him happy again.”

Kahit anong gawin niya’y hindi ito tatayo. Wala siyang ibang nagawa kundi ang mapaluhod paharap dito.

“Tita, do you know how much I love your son?” aniyang pigil ang paghikbi. “Do you know how much painful it is for me to leave? Ayokong iwan siya. Pero pagod na akong masaktan. He loved me before. But he hated me so much now. What more can I do?”

“He tried to hate you… but he failed.” nagpapaunawang sabi nito.

Matagal bago rumihistro iyon sa utak niya. Nagugulumihang napatitig siya sa kaharap. Nakita niya ang unti-unting pagliwanag ng mukha nito.

“So, you love him still? Enough to make you stay?”

“He doesn’t want me, Tita. He has Bianca already and they’re going to have a baby. Where would I be?”

Mas lalong lumuwang ang pagkakangiti nito saka tumayo. Hinila siya nito para makatayo. “How silly of me begging…” anitong pinahid ang luha sa pisngi. ”You are definitely in love with my son and you cannot deny that. And you are not leaving until you talk to him.”

“For what, Tita? I’ve heard enough. Pinakasalan lang niya ako para gumanti sa akin. Ayoko ng masaktan ulit.”

Hinaplos nito ang buhok niya. “I’m so sorry for your pain, hija. My son is not a good talker. He rarely shows his feelings. You misinterpreted something. Bianca is my psychiatrist.”

Kumunot ang noo niya.

“And she is not pregnant,” dagdag nito. “I have been lost for two years, Veronica. I had deep emotional trauma and I wasn’t able to control myself. I brokedown and I wasn’t able to speak. Earl took care of me. For two years, I was like that. I wasn’t me… and just a month ago, I was in coma. They thought I will never wake up. Earl never gave up on me. That’s why I won’t give up on him, too. I’ll do everything to make you stay. ”

Parang matagal bago tumimo sa utak niya ang sinasabi ng kaharap. So… Bianca’s not pregnant. They were never together. And those late nights she was so worried and jealous were actually spent with his mom. Parang di siya makapaniwala. So there was no point of being jealous.

But why the hell he called out her name when they made love?

“Pagbibigyan ko po ang hiling ninyo, Tita. But I won’t assure you of anything. I’m still ready to leave tomorrow.”

Ngumiti ng pagkatamis-tamis ang ginang at niyakap siya ng mahigpit. “Thank you, hija. That’s fair enough.”



“I HEARD you didn’t come home last night.” aniya habang nakatingin sa asawang subsob ang konsentrasyon sa papeles na nasa harapan nito.

“There was no one at home.” galit na sabi nito pagkuwa’y kumunot ang noo saka unti-unting nag-angat ng tingin.

“I can’t leave without asking you something,” aniya. Gusto niyang sugurin ng yakap ang asawa. Akala niya’y handa siyang iwanan ito. Ngunit napagtanto niyang mas gusto niyang manatili at masaktan kesa lumayo at piliting makalimot. “About Bianca.”

His jaw moved. Mataman siyang tinitigan saka umiwas ng tingín. “What about her? Will it make you stay if we talk about her?” anitong yumuko. “If you have to leave, you have to leave now. Or else-”

“Why did you call out her name when we made love?”

Nang mag-angat ito ng tingin ay namumula ang ilong at mga mata nito.

“I need you to tell me.” mariing dagdag niya.

“Because I thought it was her. I thought I was making love to her.” mahinang usal nito.

Nasaktan siya sa narinig. She shouldn’t have come here. She should have gone straight to the airport.

“Because I knew it would be impossible for you to love me that way. I was drunk, Veronica. And I knew that I was. And even if I thought it was Bianca, I was seeing you. I was making love to you. I had to say her name so she won’t be hurt. But I was wrong… It was really you. And I felt like hell for hurting you that much.”

Nakagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi. So, he loved her then?

“I guess that’s all I need to hear.” aniyang pigil ang paggaralgal ng tinig.

“Just leave, Veronica. Now.” anitong yumuko. Ngunit imbes na tumungo sa pinto’y lumapit siya sa kinaroroonan nito.

“H-Hey.” kinagat niya ng mariin ang labi. “Are you crying?”

“No.” mabilis na sagot nito sabay marahas na napahilamos sa mukha.

“Aren’t -” napalunok siya. Tila umakyat ang puso niya’t bumara sa lalamunan. “Aren’t you gonna kiss me goodbye?”

Tingala siya nito. His eyes were red and he’s been trying hard to sound okay. “Why do you always do that?” anitong pumiyok ang boses.

“Do what?” aniyang naramdaman ang pagpatak ng mainit na likido sa pisngi.

“Making me kiss you when I don’t want to.” angil nito.

“Why do you not want to?”

Tumayo ito at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat niya.

“Don’t you ever understand Veronica? I don’t want to kiss you beacause I know I will never stop. I will always hunger for your kisses and a day or two will never be enough! Do you have a single a idea how much torture I’m going through everytime I’m near you? If I’d be cruel enough, I’ll put you in chains so you can’t leave! Is that clear to you?!”

“Do you love me Earl?” aniyang nakatitig dito habang nag-uunahang pumatak ang luha.

“Why would you want to know?”

“For God’s sake it’s just a yes or no.”

“I told you already, I meant it when I said I do. And it means I love you!”

Sukat sa narinig inabot ang labi sa asawa. Isinalikop niya ang dalawang kamay sa batok nito’t buong higpit itong niyakap. Ipinaramdam niya ang pangungulila niya rito sa loob ng mahigit isang buwan na malayo sila sa isa’t isa.

“God, I missed you so much,” aniyang hindi napigilan ang paghikbi at ibinaon ang mukha sa dibdib ng asawa. Ramdam niya ang bilis ng tibok ng puso nito. Niyakap siya nito ng mahigpit at inilapat nito ang labi sa noo niya.

“Oh, Veronica.” anito saka muling sinimsim ang labi niya. Tuluyan siyang nagpaubaya rito. He kissed her with the gentlest motion that made her heart ache. “You made a mistake about coming here.” anitong pilit pinapatatag ang boses. “It’s either you’re staying or you’ll have to take me with you, honey.”

Mas hinigpitan niya ang yakap sa asawa.

Hinawi nito ang buhok na nakatabing sa pisngi niya. At sinapo ng dalawang palad ang mukha niya. “I’m sorry… inaamin ko, sinasadya kong saktan ka. But I ended up being wounded. I never thought that hurting you would bring me the most painful kind of pain. I just realized that I love you so much, Veronica. Hindi ko lang magawang aminin sa’yo. Dahil ayokong masaktan ulit.”

“I thought I died when you left… Ngunit nang dumating ka ulit, nagsimula ulit tumibok ang puso ko. I thought my heart died already. It didn’t. It just went with you. At nang dumating ka ulit, muli mong ibinalik sa akin ang puso ko..ang buhay ko. The thought of you leaving me again is killing me… I barely survived the first heartbreak. I won’t be surprised if I die the next.”

Nagsimula ulit maglaglagan ang luha sa pisngi niya. Pilit niyang pinakalma ang sariling hikbi.

“I love you so much, Earl. How can I not forgive you? I’ve hurt you before at alam kong kailangan kong pagbayaran ‘yon. I’m so sorry. Natakot ako sa maaring gawin ng Daddy sa’yo. It was the most painful decision I’ve ever made. Patawad kung nasaktan man kita ng husto.”

Inilapat nito ang daliri sa labi niya.

“I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry you had to suffer because of me. Patawad kung nakakapagod mahalin ang isang tulad ko.”

“Kahit napapagod na ang puso ko, tumitibok pa rin. Para sa’yo pa rin.”

“Does that mean you’re not leaving?”

Ngumiti siya.

“Yes… I’m staying because I can’t bear living a life without you.”

Niyakap siya nito ng buong higpit. Saka nakangiting naluluhang hinarap siya.

“I’ll make it up to you, honey. I’ll do anything to make everything right.” Pinahid nito ang luha sa pisngi niya saka kinintalan siya ng halik sa noo, sa magkabilang pisngi, sa ilong at muli, inangkin nito ang mga labi niya. Buong puso niyang tinugon ang halik nito. Kung gaano katagal ang halik na iyon, hindi niya alam. Habol nila ang hininga nang maghiwalay ang labi nila.

Earl smiled at her causing her insides melt. Bigla itong lumuhod sa harapan niya.

“I’m not prepared for this. There should be flowers and candles and music. But just, bear with me honey.” Nagtatakang napatingin lang siya sa asawa. nahigit niya ang hininga nang may kinuha itong maliit na kahon sa bulsa at binuksan iyon sa harapan niya. “Will you, Veronica Marie Sandoval marry me? For real?”

Pakiramdam niya’y malulunod ang puso sa sobrang kaligayahan habang nakatunghay sa singsing at sa mukha ng lalaking pinakamamahal niya.

“Of course, Earl. I will marry you for real!” masayang sagot niya at niyakap ito ng mahigpit. Isinuot nito sa kanya ang singsing at muling nagtagpo ang mga labi nila.

This time, it will be for real… and it’s gonna be forever.